Do you remember what it felt like before all of this? By this I mean social media, the internet, technology, all so readily available. Do you remember when you had no other choice but to be present in the moment? To breathe the air or notice the geese flying above you - all together in an arrow headed for sweeter skies. Do you remember when you didn’t know what your crush was up to or how they might feel - and running into them unexpectedly at Walmart or Papa Murphy's with your dad was enough to keep you hopelessly devoted for another week? Do you remember being bored at your grandparents' house, absolutely MAD about how bored you were? So bored you started exploring drawers, cupboards, and closets, only to learn a little more about your grandparents, and, in turn, more about yourself. Do you remember when it was easy to sit in wonder? To feel the raindrops hit your face. Do you remember a time you cried with the rain and you thought to yourself, “nobody will know because the sky is crying too”? Do you remember the phone that was attached to the wall, the one with the curly cord? Do you remember pressing *67 to find the number of the person who just prank-called? Do you remember a time before constant gratification? When it was easier to be patient. Patient in love, patient in grief, patient in life. I like to think I remember, but as I get older and the world grows stranger, I think, like most, I’ve lost some of my humanness. I yearn for life before all of this. I still see sparks in myself that fuel my creative passions and make me feel deeply. I appreciate when I notice the yellow butterflies or a couple of western bluebirds going unnoticed on a fence. When I hear the geese, pay attention to the crickets, or notice how the colors of the trees change. That's when I know not all is lost on me. I remember a time when uncertainty was the only certainty. Somehow that felt okay; I couldn’t write a story based on Instagram behaviors or an algorithm shoving nonsense down my throat. Life was more exciting not knowing what was around the corner, not having any control - being detached from outcomes.
I’m trying to let life speak to me again; I’m trying to listen to what’s in front of me in each present moment. So here I am sharing this on the INTERNET, my God, but I know I can't be the only one out there feeling completely discouraged by today.
